Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head
by mcmandarina
Summary: Five years after Derek and Meredith broke up,Meredith finds herself in her 3rd year of her Nuero residency and mother of twins. But is that all?MerDer eventually.Story happens time after Meredith and Derek broke up because of Rose. Try reading.
1. Chapter 1: Welcome to My New World

**A/N**: Well, I've been thinking this whole idea one or two weeks, and now that I think I already have "the end" of it, I can write it down (or try to). Hope you guys enjoy and be kind, I'll try my best. It's the first fanfic I write in English, and the first I write in a long time...

The story might be a little confusing at first, but you'll get it quick. Again, enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do NOT own anything of Grey's Anatomy: nothing, rien, nada, nichts, niente. Even though I wouldn't care owning McDreamy. The title is a song written by Hal David and Burt Bacharach (right?).

* * *

_**Ch.1 Welcome To My New World**_

_be-be-be-be-be-be_

The pager sounded until she finally responded. It was a trauma, but she wasn't in the mood for traumas. She just put it away and went back to her dreaming time. But it didn't last more than five minutes, when someone entered the room where she was and woke her up, moving her away of her thoughts.

"Grey!" he called "Wake up! We have a trauma. A big one. We need as many hands as possible. And you have two beautiful hands, so hurry up!"he yelled as he got out of the room, slamming the door.

She grumbled and, reluctantly, she finally stood up from the on-call room bed. She just had a 24 hours shift, and the last thing she wanted to do was to attend the trauma. She was in her third year of her Nuero residency, and she was the best. She knew it, but she didn't pay much attention to what people said about her, she didn't want to believe it.

As she left the on-call room, she heard someone calling her.

"Meredith! Did you hear the pager? I've been trying to call you several times! Where were you?"

"Mark, I just had a 24 hours shift, where do you think I was?" she said, as she fastened her walk.

"OK, look, maybe it was a bad idea calling you, you better go home and, you know, get some sleep. I didn't know you had shift yesterday..."he apologized, trying to catch her.

"No, that's fine. I'll just stay here and help." she said. They finally got to entrance of the room.

"Ready?"

"Let's do it."she answered as she pushed the door, opening it.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

Eight more hours passed, and they were done with the case. It wasn't "such a big trauma", a kid had swallowed some ignited candles. He was told they gave super-powers to those who ate them. When he said that, his older brother, a sixteen-year guy, couldn't help but laugh. _What a jerk _Meredith thought _he __was the one who told him so._

"Hey, good job there. The brother was such an ass, don't you think he was the one who convinced the kid to eat them? I have no idea how his parents didn't do anything..."a resident commented. Meredith just nodded, and walked to where Mark and Addison were.

"Hey, you're here. How was it?" Addison asked.

"Awful. I'm just glad it's over already. I'm heading home, but first I have to pick the twins up at Lauren's." she checked the time. It was 3.00 am already, they'd be all asleep. "I'll see you guys later"

"Bye, Mer" they said.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

She knocked the door softly, because she didn't want to wake anyone up. An old, kind woman answered the door. She was wearing regular clothes, but it was obvious that she's been sleeping anyway.

"Ah, you're here! They're already asleep. Well, and so was I until you called..."

"I'm sorry, an unexpected trauma...they needed me. Thank you so much, Lauren." Meredith said as she entered the dark house.

"It's nothing, honey. Why don't you stay here over the night, and so you won't have to take them back here in the morning?" Lauren asked. She guided Meredith to the room where the twins were sleeping. Meredith took them in her arms without waking them up.

"No, tomorrow I have the day off." she whispered as she got to the principal door. "I'll spend the day with them."

"As you want. Um, I had a serious talk with Patrick, he's been teasing Emma again, and they had a fight, again...plus, Emma didn't want to eat the broccoli" she hesitated for a second, thinking what else had happened in the last 33 hours. "...and I think that's all"

"Yeah, it's normal, they are not used to spend so much time in this house...they're going to start kindergarten in a week, anyway." she smiled. She couldn't believe they were five years old already. She checked the time again. "3.35...I'm going home, I'm exhausted. Thank you, Lauren."

"Whenever you want, honey. That's what I'm here for...plus I love spending time with my grandchildren."she grinned.

"Good night, I'll call you soon. Bye"

* * *

**A/N: **So yeah, that was Chapter 1. So what do you think? Liked it? Didn't like it? Review so I can decide if I should keep writing this, or just stop now that I don't have anything written.

About the chapter...what happened? As the title says: _welcome to my new world _, the chapter is introducing us to Meredith's new world. What we know so far is that she had twins, she's almost done with her residency, and...I think that's all! There's also Mark and Addison, but it doesn't say that much and I'm not going to say anything, no right now...Ah! And who's Lauren? Well, she is the twins' grandmother, but obviously, she's not Meredith's mother. So yeah, she is the twins' father's mother...wow.

I wanted to apologize for any mistakes the story could have, but English is not my native language. Sorry!


	2. Chapter 2: Never Forget

**A/N: **First of all, special thanks to all those who reviewed, and then thanks to those who actually read the fic. Thank you!!

_**Chapter 2: Never Forget**_

"_You can say anything to me." she protested, looking at his dark, blue eyes. He hesitated before he answered._

"_I wanna marry you" he said smiling "I wanna have kids with you. I wanna build us a house. I wanna settle down, and grow older. I wanna die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours, I wanna a lifetime."_

But as always, dreams don't stay forever, or maybe, they had never stayed. He was tired of all her doubts, he was tired that she had never truly trusted him. Well, in fact he admitted that he had some part of fault. He had chosen another woman over her, and not only once, but twice. And now she was gone. She just disappeared, just like the night disappears when the sun raises in the morning. He didn't know where she was, how she was...he knew nothing about her. And no one will ever tell him about it. But he missed her so much, he loved her so much, that sometimes, it'd hurt. Mentally and physically. He hurt.

"Dr. O'Malley, have you seen Dr. Bailey?" he asked. A young man, in his twenties, turned his face to meet a pair of doubtful eyes.

"Yes, she was in the nursery station the last time I saw her"he answered.

"Thank you"

He left the young doctor, and ran to the nursery station. He saw her standing there, filling some papers out.

"Dr. Bail-"he started

"Not now, Dr. Shepherd."she interrupted

"But-"he protested

"No buts, Dr."

He sighted, and then went on."I'm leaving. Tomorrow. I need to get out of Seattle, so I'm going to New York." he sighted again. Actually, he wasn't sure about that. He wanted to get out of Seattle, but New York? He didn't want to see his four sisters, and all his nieces and nephews. But his mother had called him, she wanted him to go there. She said it's been more than five years since they saw for the last time. "I just wanted to let you know"

Dr. Bailey hesitated, then frowned, and then she finally spoke. "Fine."

After Richard had retired, Miranda had to accept the Chief of Surgery job. It wasn't that she didn't like it, but sometimes she wished that Richard were still there. Dr. Shepherd was not the only Dr. who had left. Mark Sloan had left before, and with him Addison Montgomery. And she knew Cristina Yang was also thinking about leaving. It was being harder than what she thought it'd be.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

Meredith took her purse and took her phone out of it, and then answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Meredith!" she recognized the voice. It was Addison. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, thanks." she answered.

"Good. Look, Mark and I were going to Santo's to talk and have a drink. What do you think? Wanna come with us?" Addison asked.

"Great, but first I gotta check on the twins. I'll see you there in an hour."

"See you then."

She got out of the car and walked to the principal door, knocking it. She hadn't waited more than one minute when Nance opened the door.

"You here for the twins?" she asked

"I am. How are they?" she said as she entered the house, invited by Nance.

"Good. They missed you, though."

"I know, it's been a long week..."

"Look, Meredith, I know it's none of our business, but wouldn't it be better for all of us if you finally to-"she tried.

"No." Meredith interrupted "I know what you're gonna say, but no. Not yet. Not now."

"That's what you've been saying for the last five years!!" Nance protested.

"I know!! I just--"she hesitated "I just--"

"_FUCK! Double fuck!! It has to be wrong...it IS wrong!! I'm not pregnant! Fucking pregnancy test." she yelled, throwing the pregnancy test in which she had just peen on against the wall. It had two little pink lines on it, and so did all the other pregnancy test that were around her._

_She fell on the floor, crying. What was she going to do? She was in her first year of her residency, she couldn't have kids, no right now. What'd happen with her career, with her future? She didn't want to be a mother at this time. _

"_Son of the b--" she blamed, talking to herself "He and his penis...it's all his fault." She felt lonely. She wished he'd be there, with her; she was all alone. They had broke up about five or six weeks ago, and he was the last person she had slept with. But now he was with someone, someone that made him happy. 'Maybe he's happier now that we're not together anymore' she thought. _

"Meredith?" she turned around, and saw Nance standing there, waiting. "...just, forget what I said, will you? I'm sorry, I just..." she sighted before talking "I know it was really hard for you...leaving Seattle, coming to New York and start over. So just, forget about it." and with that, she entered the house.

"But the problem is" Meredith said to herself "that I never forget."

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

"_Tequila?" the barman asked_

"_Not today. Just get me something free of alcohol or caffeine." he raised an eyebrow, surprised for her words, and then came back with a Sprite._

"_Can I ask you why?"_

"_You just did." she reasoned "I'm feeling like to."_

"_Liar"and with that, he left._

"_How is my golden girl?"a voice asked behind her. She turned her face and frowned._

"_Mark, you scared me."_

"_Do I look that bad?" he joked_

"_I'm not in the mood for chatting."_

"_You think so? Well, it looks like you ne-"_

"_Don't" she interrupted "Because if we started talking, I'd tell you how much I hate Derek right now. I'd tell you that I'm pregnant with his baby, and that the last thing I want to do is to tell him and his perfect, ready girlfriend that I'm pregnant. So, just don't"_

"_Wow, you're really screwed..."_

"_Thank you. That's exactly I needed to hear, someone to confirm something that I already knew."_

"_Hey, you didn't let me finish. You're lucky having me, because I think that I know how to help you." he smiled. She looked at him, with tears in her eyes. She didn't expect Mark Sloan to help her. She thought he was just lying to make her feel better. He did it, though. She felt better. Little did she know about her future then. "Let's go, I'll take you home" he offered. _


	3. Chapter 3: Encounter

**A/N:** I forgot to comment last chapter. What did you think about it? For those who asked: yes, Derek is the father (how could he not be, anyway? LOL!) What else? Well, Derek is going to New York, where he will find a nice surprise. Also, we saw how Mark was the one who helped Meredith with her pregnancy (those were flashbacks).

So how do you like it so far? I'm sorry I couldn't update before, but I'm having the finals this week and even though I'm not worried at all, I'm very busy!

And thanks to all those who reviewed last two chapters.

Again: enjoy and **REVIEW** please!!

* * *

_**Chapter 3 Encounter**_

He checked his watch. 9.45 pm. It's been 1 hour since he had called his sister Nance to pick him up. He sighted and sat down on the closest chair. He knew this was a bad idea; now he was in the airport and there was no escape. He had thought about taking a fly to Mexico 30 minutes ago: 2 weeks eating enchiladas and burritos, but then he thought that his mother would kill him if he did so.

And then he saw her. She seemed to be lost, looking everywhere. He called her, and taking his luggage, he walked to where she was waiting.

"I'm so, so sorry" she apologized "I really tried to be here on time, but there was a mess at home and then the traffic was horrible and…"

"It's OK" he lied. He was kind of mad at her because he had to wait. He had given her the date and the time of his arrival two days ago, and she had agreed to wait for him there. They went through the crowd to the exit, and then she opened the car that was in front of the door and he put his luggage in it.

"You're mad" she admitted "but I told you, I couldn't." she waited for a response "Oh, c'mon Derek"

"I told you, it's OK"

The drive home went quiet. None of them wanted to talk. He wasn't really mad at her, he knew that what she said was true, but he was just mad at himself, he was mad because he didn't 

want to be there, and there he was. They finally got home. His mother had heard the car coming, because she was standing at the door, smiling.

"Derek!" she cried.

He smiled. "Mom, how are you?" he hugged her.

"Fine" she smiled "Oh my god, look at you! You need to eat more! You're so skinny! And what's wrong with your hair? You need a haircut."

"Mom, please, don't start" he begged.

"Yes, Lauren, don't you see he's a man now?" A voice talked from the door. "How was the trip? Long time no see!"

"Tiring." He answered "What are you doing here? Don't you have a family to feed and a job to attend?"

"I couldn't miss your arrival here! Don't say you didn't miss me!"

"Mark, you never change, do you? Nor even when you're married"

"I don't?" he joked

"Shut up. I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow in the hospital?" Derek asked Mark

"OK, I can talk to Addison and I'm sure she'll want to have lunch with you. Is the crap of the cafeteria OK for Derek Shepherd?" he laughed. Derek just stared at him with a you-are-so-stupid look.

"I'll see you tomorrow." And with that, he entered the house, and went to sleep.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

"MOM!" she heard from the bedroom next to hers. Grumpily, she stood up and went to see what happened.

"What's wrong, sweetie? Did you have a nightmare?" he nodded. "OK, let me have some place to sleep with you"

Five hours later, she woke up. She looked around and realized where she was. And then she saw him. _He has his father's hair _ she thought _ and his eyes. _She couldn't help it. Every time she saw her son, she thought about Derek. She missed him so much. She often called herself fool for not calling him. She was sure that if she called him, he'd be mad at her for not telling him 

about his children, and because she disappeared one day without telling him anything, nor even leaving a note. _He has good reasons, though _she always thought.

"_So, how are you gonna help me, exactly?" she asked impatiently, for the 10__th__ time in 5 minutes._

"_Oh my god, Grey. How does Shepherd like you?" Mark asked_

"_Well, he doesn't anymore." She shrugged and sat down where Mark told her to._

"_Now watch. What do you think of New York?"_

"_New York?" She repeated."I've never been there"_

"_You will"_

"_What?!"_

"_Yes. Believe me, New York will be the last place Derek would go"_

"_You're kidding, right? What about his family? Don't you think they'll tell him about…?" _

"_Nope. Lauren Shepherd and her daughters are the nicest people on Earth. They'll understand your decision."_

"_Yes, I could tell when Nance was here, she loved me- I don't know why she didn't ask me to go with her to New York." She said sarcastically "But thanks for trying, anyway."_

"_What do you mean? I had already bought the tickets!"_

"_WHAT!?" _

"_The fly is tomorrow, at 10.00 am. You might want to say goodbye to your friends, but I would recommend that you keep the secret. You know, maybe they can tell 'accidentally' McDreamy where you are. Ah, and did you tell anyone about your pregnancy?"_

"_Wait, wait, wait. You're not kidding, are you?" he shook his head "Oh…my….god…Why didn't you ask me before doing anything?" there was an awkward silence. "No…I didn't tell anyone, but I need to te-"_

"_No, Meredith. Believe me, it's better if you do-"_

"_I have to tell Cristina!!" she started crying. No, she was so not doing this. She needed her friends now more than ever. She needed Izzie to be excited, and to help her with all the _

_decorations and stuff. She needed George, to support her with the pregnancy. She needed Alex and Cristina to tease her, to tell her that what she had done was wrong. _

"_It's OK, Mer" he said, hugging her. "Everything is going to be just fine"_

Meredith stood up from her child's bed and went to the kitchen to start making breakfast. She didn't sleep well at night, and now she was tired. She was going to have surgery in two hours, but she needed to be earlier in the hospital to fill some papers out. She looked at the clock placed on the wall. She'd have to wake the twins up to take them to the school.

After she left them in the school, she drove all the way to the hospital. It was a cold morning in the streets of Manhattan. She never thought she'd miss the rain of Seattle. Once she got changed with her resident uniform, she went to the nursery station to fill the papers. She wouldn't have surgery until after the lunch time, and she'd see Addison and Mark then.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

"When did you say he was going to come?" she asked, again.

"For the 5th time, Addison, he's coming to have lunch with us."

"What about Meredith? Is she going to talk to him?"

"Damn!! I forgot about her!"

"Is that a problem?"

"Well, I'm not really sure that she wants to see him…I have to find her" He said, leaving her.

"She was in the nursery station" she shouted.

He ran to the nursery station. He had to find her. But what was he going to say? _Hey Meredith! Guess who is in the city! Yes, Derek! And he's coming to the hospital. _Nope. _Hmmm…Mer? I think you should take your day off…yes, maybe even a week or two weeks off… _that'd be enough time for Derek to leave New York… As he thought about that, he saw her. Oh, crap. She hadn't slept well. He knew that, she was mad writing papers, filling charts… But he had to try.

"Hm, Dr.Grey?"

"Not now, Mark" she said, dryly.

"But Mer-"

"I said- not now, Mark."

"This is impor-"

"MARK! Not now!!"

"Whatever, don't tell me later I didn't try to warn you."

"Fuck you." she said, and he left.

He turned his face and he saw him. Derek. He was waiting at the entrance. He tried to run away, to hide, but it was useless. He had seen him and he was walking to the nursery station, where he was, and where Meredith was filling papers like a crazy person. _Maybe he won't recognize her _he thought. Too late. He saw Derek's expression. He was shocked, like he didn't believe what his eyes were seeing. And his eyes were looking at her. Mark walked away, feeling like there was nothing he could do now. He knew Derek wouldn't listen to him.

Derek couldn't believe. Was that…? Was she..? Meredith. She was. He felt it, he knew it. He analyzed her. She hadn't changed in the last five years. Her hair was still the color of the gold, and her tiny features proved that she was Meredith Grey. He walked confidently to where she was.

"Dr.Grey…"

"Mark, what did I just tell you?" she said without turning her face to see who was talking. Oh my god, she looked gorgeous. "Not now."

"Mered-"he tried again.

"NOT. NOW. Period."

"Mer."

"WHAT!?" she said angrily, finally turning her face.

He smiled. He saw her expression changing from anger to astonishment. "Hi." He had found her. Finally, after five years, he had found her.

* * *

**A/N:** So that's it! Chapter 3. This was a little longer than usual, wasn't it?

So, we have Derek who thought that his trip to New York was wasting his time, but I don't think he thinks so anymore, do you? And Meredith. How is she going to react? I accept suggestions!! 

More soon, but if I don't update before Friday, don't expect me to do it until the 23rd or so, because I'm going on a trip to Alaska (yay, mosquitoes…¬¬')

Anyway… liked it? Hated it? _**REVIEW!!**_So I can tell if I should write more or stop now!!

Oh, and a little off-topic: did you see that Spain won against Russia? YAY!! 4-1!! let's see if this lasts...


	4. Chapter 4: The Reason

**A/N:** Oh…my….god!! I'm sorry, but I'm not used to get so many reviews!! LOL! Thank you all! You're awesome!! (and special thanks to those who kept reviewing from the beginning.)

I'm so glad I didn't disappoint you with the last chapter because, honestly, I was afraid I wouldn't write like I wanted to. Now, I hope I won't disappoint you with their reactions!

And this is my last update until my trip to Alaska. Wish me luck with the mosquitoes!

_**Ch.4 The Reason**_

They stayed there, staring at each other's eyes for five minutes that seemed five seconds to her. What…? How…? There were so many questions her mind couldn't answer at that time, she was so messed up. All she could think about was…she didn't know. What…? Why…? How …? She finally closed her mouth, and then opened it again. He thought she was going to say something, but then she closed it again. He decided he should start.

"How are you?"He dared.

She looked at him, at his eyes. Then she opened her mouth again, but no sound came from it. She had so many things to tell him, so many questions to ask him…but she just couldn't. Finally, she found the strength enough to speak. But her words didn't make much sense.

"I-I-I….O-O-…no-no-now…" she said. He smiled. _She's so cute when she does that _he thought. "I-I-I…"

"Meredith" Mark said finally. He had watched the scene and decided that he should say something. "I think you have a surgery, don't you?" he was helping her to get out of there.

"Ye-ye-yes, I-I-I" she looked at Derek then. He was smiling. He wasn't mad at all. Of course, he didn't know about his five-year-old children. What would he say, then? "La-la-lat?"

"We'll see you later." Mark said "Now go" she looked at Derek again "NOW!" then she took her stuff and ran to the OR.

She washed her hands, thoughtful. What did just happen in the nursery station? She slapped her face, like it was going to help her to wake up from a nightmare. Or maybe it was a dream? She didn't know anything at that moment. She was sure she had seen him there, staring at her. And he had asked her how she was. What the f? She had left five years ago without leaving any note, hadn't spoke to him in five years, and then he asks her how she was?! Something was definitely wrong. Either that guy wasn't the Derek she knew, or he was REALLY trying to get something.

The surgery went OK. She was more than glad that OR didn't have a gallery-the last thing she needed was Derek staring at her while she was operating. The patient made it, and now she was recovering in her room. Meredith stood there, in front of her room, watching how her boyfriend was waiting next her. Suddenly, she noticed a presence behind her. She sighted.

"You knew it, didn't you?" she asked. She didn't stop watching the happy couple.

"I did" Mark answered.

"Where's he now?"

"He's in the cafeteria, with Addie."

"I…I wanted to talk to him. But I tried, and I couldn't." she shrugged "I don't know what keeps me afraid, why I can't tell him how I feel, like I do with you."

"Eventually you will" he said softly. "You'll understand…and so he will"

She smiled. "I can't talk to him. Not right now…I…" she hesitated "I'm afraid." She turned her face, and Mark could see that she was crying "what is he going to think about…about them?"

He knew what she was talking about. "He'll accept it." he shrugged "he always wanted to have children"

"But-but I didn't tell him! He's going to get mad at me because I didn't tell him!"

_She sat down on the bed, looking at him._

"_You yelled at me for no reason, and then you walked away, and now you show up here."_

"_Of course I showed up! Why wouldn't I? You don't trust me?"_

"_I do"_

"_Okay, this is how it works-you fight sometimes, and somebody apologizes."_

"_Well, how am I supposed to know that?"_

"_You've never done this before!"_

"_No, I've never done this before."_

"_Hm…OK, alright…well, this is…ah..." he hesitated, and then he looked at her eyes "From now on you can expect that I'm gonna show up." He said, putting his hand on her cheek "even if I yell, even if you yell. I'm always gonna show up. OK?"_

"_OK." She said, as he approached his mouth to her, and then, their lips met._

"So, how's life in Seattle?" Addison asked him.

"Boring. Rainy. Cold."

"Um…" there was an awkward silence, again. They hadn't seen each other in almost 4 years, but all she tried was useless. He only asked with a "yes", or a "no", or "I don't know". He never answered with more than five words.

Derek looked around for the 4th time since they started 'talking'. He still couldn't believe it. Meredith Grey, who was the love of his life, was in New York. In this hospital. In the same hospital where he was now having lunch. He needed to see her, to talk to her, but…where was she?

"How's it going?" Mark asked as he sat with them.

"Did you see her?" Derek asked him impatiently.

"Wow, man, you need to calm down." He looked at him, and he saw something that made him change his mind. "Yes, I did see her."

"….so?"

"She wants to talk to you."

"Where is-"

"But-" Mark interrupted "not right now."

"What?"

"She can't talk to you right now, she's…confused"

"She's confused?! I am confused!!"

"Calm down, Derek…"Addison begged, talking for the first time since Mark came.

"I-I…"

"Derek" someone called behind him. He turned himself to see who was talking. "Can we talk? I…I need to talk to you"

"Meredith, you don't have t-" Mark started

"Yes, I do. I do have to do this, Mark" she said. "So, can we?"

"Yes. Yes, sure." He said, quickly standing up from his chair.

"Can we walk?"

He nodded. They started walking, leaving Addison and Mark behind. He looked at her. He wasn't wearing her resident uniform anymore, and he could tell she wasn't so skinny now. He couldn't separate his eyes from her. She turned her face to see him, and he moved his head away quickly, embarrassed.

"What?" she asked

"Nothing. You look beautiful."

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't say I look beautiful."

"Why not? You do."

"Stop that."

"OK"

They kept walking, silently. After some minutes walking, they finally found a quiet bench to sit on. He smiled. He knew she was nervous. But so he was. So many things had happened in the last five years…

"I-I…"she started. "Oh crap, why is this so complicated?"

"Just…you don't have to do it right now."

"Do what?"

"Tell me anything. I mean, what is in the past is not going to change."

"Yeah, right"

"You left, but it doesn't matter anymore"

"It's not that"

"You don't need to tell me why. You had your own reasons, right?"

"Yes, but-" she got interrupted by her cell-phone. She saw who was calling and then decided she needed to answer the call. "I'm sorry….I really need to answer this call"

"It's okay, go ahead."

"Yes? Lau...Hi." Ops. She almost said her name-his mother's name. That wouldn't do any good.

"_Meredith? Hi, it's me. I need you to come as soon as possible. They called me from the school- Patrick is not feeling well. I picked them both up and we're at home right now."_

"Oh…he hadn't slept well this night."

"_He's 102º right now"_

"Oh, shit…ok, I'm coming. I'll be there in 10 minutes. How is she?"

"_Emma? She's fine, but you know-when one gets sick, the other becomes sick the next day."_

"Yeah, right." She answered "I'll see you in a few minutes. Thank you, bye." After she hung up her phone, she turned to see Derek who was still waiting there. "I-I'm sorry. I need to go. Some …emergency I need to attend."

"That's fine"

"I'll see you soon." She said "oh…and…it was nice meeting you."

He smiled "Yes, it was." And then she left. Oh god, he missed her so much. He missed having her in his arms, he missed when she yelled at him, he missed her snores…Five years was a long time. He decided he would finish lunch with Mark and Addie, and then he would go home.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

Meredith got there an hour ago, and she was now taking a cold shower with her son to make his fever go down. She hadn't talk to Lauren about Derek, but neither Lauren had mentioned it. She wondered if he was staying there. She didn't think so, Derek didn't use to like staying at his mother's house in New York, and he'd be staying in a hotel.

Someone opened the door, but since the shower made noises, she didn't hear it.

"I'm home" no one answered. "Mom?"

She got out of the bathroom with her wet clothes on and her son in her arms, shivering. And then she saw him, standing at the principal door. He was watching her, surprised that he found her there.

"Me-Meredith?" he asked, shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"I…"

"Meredith, Emma is in bed already." Lauren announced "Oh, Derek! What are you doing here?"

"What's this all about?"

"I…" Meredith started. "I…"

Now she would have to tell him, the truth. The reason she left Seattle five years ago- their children.

A/N: So that was it! Did you like it? You didn't? Just tell me, so I can know how to improve it, or if I should stop it now…Feel free to criticize!

Well, Meredith cannot escape now!! Or maybe she can? What do you think: should she tell him about the twins or not?  
I don't know when I'm going to be able to update, probably on the 24th or so. See you then!


	5. Chapter 5: Leaving

**A/N: **Yes!! I did survive the bugs, though I have a lot of bites. Anyway, I'm here to update this story. I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Seriously! As always, thank you for all the fabulous reviews!!

I wasn't sure about how to continue it, so here's what I've written. I'm not very happy with this chapter, but I hope you like anyway!

**Review** whether you liked it or not, R&R are always appreciated!!

_**Chapter 5 Leaving**_

There was a long silence. A long, awkward silence. No one wanted to start talking. Meredith looked at Lauren, looking for some excuse. Lauren was blank, she looked at Derek, who was looking everywhere for an answer. Unexpectedly, the poor kid who was still shivering talked.

"Mom…I-I'm cold." He mumbled. When he said that, everyone reacted.

"Oh, honey, we completely forgot you! Meredith, why don't you put him in bed while Derek and I prepare some tea? Then we can talk calmly, ok?" Lauren asked, and Meredith nodded leaving the room. Derek stood there and looked at his mom. He opened his mouth to talk. "No. I won't say anything." He closed it again.

While Meredith took her son to his bed, she thought about how she'd tell Derek about his unknown children. "Remember you told me that what is in the past is not going to change? Well, I had your children and… I left because I was scared and…" That one wasn't so bad. "Um, Derek…IhadyourchildrenandleftbecauseIwasscaredtotellyou." Why was it so hard? God!

She went to the closet she had in the house to change her wet clothes. She had spent so many nights in this house. Lauren had helped her so many times. And not only she, but Derek's four sisters, Mark and Addie…and they all had kept the secret for five years now. They all kept the secret from Derek - their son, brother, and friend. And now was the time to tell him- all the truth.

_It was 3 in the morning when her cell phone rang. She reluctantly answered it._

"_Fhm..?"_

"_Meredith? It's me, Mark. Are you ready to leave? It's time."_

"_WHAT?" she said, looking at the clock she had on her night table. "Mark, it's three in the morning!!"_

"_So? The fly is at 6, we need to get to the airport and…"_

"_I didn't see him. I need to see him before I leave!"_

"_No, Meredith. You cannot see him, that'll get things worse."_

"_But I cannot leav-" she protested. _

"_Mer, trust me. Get dressed, eat something, take your luggage…and I'll be there in an hour. Don't do anything stupid. Bye"_

_After five hours flying, the last thing Meredith wanted was to meet Derek's family. But Mark had insisted on it, so she had to meet his mom, his sisters, his nieces and nephews...all she wished was to be with Derek. She was regretting the decision so much._

"_355 Comelia Street. Here we are." Mark said turning the car's engine off. "Aw, it didn't change in the last three years. Let's go, we'll be spending here some time until we find a better place for you and the kid to live."_

"_But you told me you had arranged everything already!!"_

"_I did tell you I had bought the tickets, but nothing else."_

"_Great, she's definitely gonna hate me." She whispered. _

_They walked to the principal door. There was light inside, she knew they'd been waiting there for their arrival. Mark had talked to them before, but Meredith didn't know if he had mentioned anything about Derek's sluty- intern being pregnant. And not only that, but also running from him._

_Mark knocked the door and they heard someone running to the door. The door was now open, and a woman was standing there. She looked at Mark and smiled, and then looked at Meredith. At first she frowned, but then she changed the expression of her face and smiled again. Meredith breathed, feeling better now, and smiled back. _At least she looks nice, _she thought._

"_Lauren" Mark smiled "It's always nice to see you"_

"_You haven't changed in the last three years"_

"_Neither did you. I need to introduce you someone." He said, bringing Meredith to the conversation "Meredith, this is Lauren, Derek's mother. Lauren, Meredith."_

"_Nice to meet you, Meredith. Pretty name, by the way."_

"_Thank you, nice to meet you, too." Meredith said nervously._

"_So, let's go inside, we have a lot of things to talk about, right Mer?" _

"_I guess so…"_

_They walked inside the house, and Meredith looked everywhere. It wasn't a big house, but it wasn't small either. She could see some boxes with stuff in it, so they might have been packing to free their rooms for them. They sat down on the couch at the living-room, and Lauren brought some hot tea. _

"_So, what was that so important you needed to tell me, Mark?"_

"_Actually, we need to tell you. Both, Meredith and I."_

"_Oh, okay, go ahead. I'm listening."_

"_Well, Meredith found herself pregnant and…"_

"_Oh, congrats." She interrupted_

"_Thank you…" she responded timidly._

"…_and she needed to get out of Seattle because, you know…Derek…and…"_

"_Ohm, I see…Is it Derek's?" Lauren asked turning to see Meredith._

"_Th-the baby? Yes, I'm afraid so…"_

"_Did you tell him about it yet?"_

"_No-Not really."_

"_Why not?"_

"_I…we broke up some weeks ago, and he's now happy with….his new girlfriend."_

"_I see."_

"_Look, I…I don't wanna cause any trouble. I'll just stay in a hotel or something; it's nothing you need to do or….whatever."_

"_No, honey! You need someone on these hard days. I'll take care of you and the baby and help you with everything I can."_

"_Bu-but…what about Derek?"_

"_What about him?"_

"_I mean…he's your son."_

"_I know."_

"_Lauren, you cannot say a word to Derek about this."_

"_I understand."_

"_You do?" Meredith said surprised. She hadn't imagined Derek's mother would say that._

"_I do, Derek has been acting like a jerk the last five years, and it won't be me who tell him about your pregnancy, honey."  
_

"_Thank you" she smiled. Now she liked Derek's family. "_

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Derek was sitting in a chair with his gaze staring at his tea mug. It's been more than thirty minutes since Meredith had left to get Patrick in bed. He didn't know what to think. Was he her son? Yes, he thought so- the kid had called her mom. Mom. Meredith had become a mom. Who would guess, five years ago, that Meredith Grey would have children? Not even Derek had believed so. But there she was, holding a kid in his mother's house.

For Lauren, those were the hardest thirty minutes of her life. Her son had found the love of his life holding his unknown child in her house. She still couldn't believe how Mark had convinced her and her daughters to keep the secret, and how they all had accepted. She looked at him. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts. Of course he was lost! How could he not be?

_After Lauren had shown Meredith her bedroom, Meredith decided to stay there because she was tired. She had accepted and went down to meet Mark, who was still in the living room._

"_Why did you think I'd help her?"_

"_Because you're nice."_

"_Now, seriously."_

"_I don't know…I just…trusted you or something. I know it's a hard decision, Lauren, but it's your choice. You don't need to do this."_

"_Do what?"_

"_Keep the secret. I told you, Derek can know nothing about this thing, alright?"_

"_I'll keep it. She'll tell him someday…or at least that's what I hope. How long can this take? Three months?"_

"_We don't know yet, time will say."_

"_Right. I'll help you."_

Finally, Meredith appeared thought the door, looking nervous. They both looked at her.

"Mer, please have a seat." Lauren said offering her the chair next to hers, and then some tea. She sat down, and stared at the tea just like Derek had done some minutes ago. After five minutes of an awkward silence, Lauren started. She felt responsible in some way. "So, Meredith? Don't you say anything?"

"Um, yes, right…" she mumbled. What should she say? "Derek, um…you…what do you think?" she improvised.

"Abou-?"

"Patrick. I mean, my son" she corrected.

"What should I think?"

"I-I...he, Patrick…and Emma…she…you…I…Seattle"

"Meredith!" Lauren interrupted.

"Damn it, Lauren!!" she yelled angrily, leaving mother and son both surprised. "I-I'm sorry, but it's even harder than what I thought!"

"It's alright. Just say it" Derek said, softly.

"I wish it was that easy…well, I…they…she…and then…he…here…"

"Patrick and Emma are your children, Derek!" Lauren finally yelled, tired of everything.

Silence. Meredith looked down, avoiding Derek's gaze. Derek couldn't articulate any sound. He was just shocked. His children. He had children, with Meredith. He looked at her and noticed that she was crying. Now he understood- the reason. The reason why she left him five years ago, she was pregnant. Suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt sick, and a big weight settled down on his shoulders.

"I-I…I need to get out of here."

"I'm sorry, Derek" Meredith quickly said "I-I really wanted to tell you, but things turned ou-"

"NO!" he yelled "No, I…just-don't say anything. I…how could you-? Never mind, I'd expect this from you, Meredith…but Mom? Seriously? How long have you known?"

"About f-"

"I don't want to know! I-I can't believe this!" he cried from the door, taking his jacket. Then he slammed the door, and left the house.

"It'll be alright, honey…you'll see. Everything's gonna be just fine." Lauren said, comforting Meredith, who couldn't stop sobbing.

**A/N: **I'm so sorry it took me so long to write this, but I've been kinda busy unpacking and packing again…I'm not sure when the next update is going to be. It can be four days after this update or four weeks after.

How did you like the chapter? Reviews are **always** appreciated!!


	6. Chapter 6: Where Is He Now?

**A/N: **Well, I want to update before the 6th because from then on I don't know when I'm going to be able to update again, since I'm not going to have Internet access. I'll keep writing, though!

Thank you for all the amazing reviews, you guys! You're awesome! And I especially wanted to thank those who kept reading and reviewing from the beginning, I do appreciate it. This chapter is dedicated for all of you.

* * *

_**Chapter 6 Where Is He Now?**_

_Three days later_

"Hey!" he called.

"¿Sí, señor?" the waitress asked, turning to meet the man who was calling her.

"Mi no comprende Spanish...English?" he asked with a strong American accent.

"Uh...yes sir?"

"Oh, great! Will you please get me another margarita, please?"

"Sure." she affirmed, leaving him alone.

Derek had finally decided to go to Mexico, after all he went through in New York, he needed some relax-time to clear his mind up. He still thought that everything had just been a bad dream. He didn't- couldn't believe that his family, _his family_, had kept such a big secret away from him for five years. It wasn't like Meredith had moved there only...but she had had his children and he didn't know anything until then. He wasn't mad, but-- well, hell yes. He was mad. He was mad at her for not telling him she was pregnant, but he was even madder at his family for keeping the secret. How could they?

"Here" the waitress said, handing him his margarita.

"Gracias"

Those three days so far were so good. He was trying not to think about anything related to New York, Meredith, or his children. He needed to enjoy some fun vacations. That's why he went dancing last night. He even had talked to a girl at the bar. But, of course, she wasn't Meredith. No matter how much he tried or how much he wanted to, that he could not forget her.

He took his cell phone out.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

Meredith looked through the window. It was snowing, something not really estrange due to the season. It was November, and in New York it meant snow, cold, and wind. She got used to it four years ago, and he had learned how to deal with it. She missed Seattle's rain, though.

She turned herself to check the time. It was 5.00 pm. She was supposed to be in the hospital, cutting someone's brain off. But she couldn't go. In fact, she hadn't gone in the last three days. She had just stayed at home, crying and regretting every single thing she had done in the last five years.

Unexpectedly, her cell phone rang. _Fuck you, Mark. _She though, while hanging it up without even look to the name. Mark had called her several times since he found out what happened with Derek. She wasn't feeling like talking to him. She blamed him because he had convinced her to come here, but she knew that it was all her own fault, no one else's.

The phone rang again, and this time she aggressively answered it.

"MARK! Would you leave me fucking alone? You've done enough helping me so far, that's why I'm here right now. So, would you?!" she shouted to the phone. Though, it was a different voice that answered.

"_Was that the reason?"_

"De-Derek? Is that you?" she asked, suddenly changing her mood.

"_Just answer. Was that the reason why you left?"_

"Not only that, but because we weren't together anymore!" she stated.

"_We'd be now if you had told me. We'd have a house, and a life." _

"So that's it, Derek? I'm the bad guy here? It wasn't just me who decided to break up. In fact, I was trying! I was really trying, going to therapy and..."

"_Good bye, Mer."_ and then, he hung up the call.

"Derek? Derek!" she cried, throwing the phone with all her strength against the wall. She lay down on her bed, with her hands covering her face. She was crying, and she didn't want to. Someone called her from the door.

"Mer...are you okay?"

"He's right." she said between sobs. "If I...if I had told him, we'd now be a family. Perhaps, we'd be even happy."

"Oh, honey..." Lauren walked to where Meredith was, and placed her hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

"He just called me, you know?"

"Derek?"

She nodded. "He wanted to know if that was the reason why I left. Then I told him that wasn't the only reason, that we weren't together, then. And he said that we'd be, if I had told him. And he hung up." she sobbed harder.

"It's alright, Mer. He's...confused, and he has a lot of questions in his mind he needs to answer. And you'll have to wait, unless until he calms down. I think he's madder at any of us, you know- the girls and me." she smiled.

"I should have told him, he sure would help me then..." Meredith cried.

"It's okay, Mer. There's nothing you can do to change the past now, honey."

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

Derek stood up. He had actually done it- he had called her, and asked her. She was crying. Now, he felt bad. He was still angry, though.

He left some tips on the table and walked toward the street. It was a hot day in Mexico DC, even though they were almost in December. He called out for a taxi, and gave the directions to get to his hotel. He was exhausted, so he'd lie on the bed until dinner. But first, he checked the mail. There was an e-mail from Mark. He wondered what he'd want, so he opened it.

_Derek, _

_I know you might be still mad, but you cannot do this. You need to talk to them- Mer, your mom, sisters, and the kids._

_By the way, where are you? I got a call from Bailey last night, she asked me for you, but I wasn't quite sure what to say. She wanted you back on December 1__st__. _

_Man, I have to tell you a lot of things about what happened five years ago. It was also my fault, you know? But you need to come back._

_Good luck,_

_Mark_

Derek frowned. Did Mark have anything to do with all this? He knew about the children and has kept the secret, Derek knew that. But, how could it be his fault? He turned the laptop off and then went to the bed.

He couldn't sleep. There were too many questions in his mind that needed to answer. He took his cell phone again, and pressed the same numbers he had pressed the last time.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

The cell phone rang again. Meredith, who was taking a shower at that time, ran out of the bathroom, wet and almost naked, and answered it, hoping that it'd be Derek again.

"Yes? Derek?" she asked.

"_When were they born? What are their names? Tell me something about them; I'm in my right to know."_

"Oh, Derek. Come here, please, and I'll tell you everything."

"_I'm not going back there. At least not now."_

"Please…"

"_Don't beg me, Meredith. Just answer."_

"I…Fine…they were born the 4th of July. Patrick came first, and then Emma."

"_That means you got pregnant…on September?"_

"That's right. We were still together"

"_How do they look like? I mean appearance and everything…"_

"Patrick is just like you, he has the same eyes and the same curly, dark hair. He's like a mini version of you. And Emma… she's like me. She has the same green eyes, and the same hair color."

"_Thank you"_

"Please, come back…"she begged "please…"

But at that time, the line was already dead.

After ten minutes showering, she got out dressed and went down to the living room. She was hungry; she hasn't eaten anything since the day when Derek left. She looked in the refrigerator, and she found some soup with a note on it.

_Mer,_

_I'm glad you finally decided to get out of your bedroom. Here you have some food from yesterday's dinner. Remember to call to the hospital to ask for some time off or something. You also should see the kids, they were worried for you. _

_Love you, _

_Lauren._

She smiled. She felt so lucky to know her. Lauren was like the mother she never had, and Meredith was like a daughter to Lauren. She had helped her when the twins were born, and before that with her pregnancy. She never asked her why she didn't want to tell Derek, and that was enough for her. She felt bad because now Derek was mad at her because of her. She'd talk to him, and try to explain what 

exactly happened.

**xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa**

Derek decided that he couldn't stay there anymore. He would leave again. The idea of he being a father, of his children with Meredith filled his mind with happiness. But he wasn't ready to go back to New York, not yet. He'd take a plane back to Seattle, since Miranda needed him there. And also surgery would help him to get distracted. He booked the flight; he'd leave this evening.

* * *

**A/N: **I know it's shorter than the others, but I wanted it to end up there. Yep, Derek's going back to-- Seattle. No New York for him, at least for now.

So, what do you think? I know this chapter wasn't a big thing, but I needed the chapter for what is going to come next. I'm not really happy with it, though. Hope you guys enjoyed it!

Anyway, **review**! That's the only way you can tell how I can improve it! Also, if you see any mistake the story might have (vocabulary used wrong, grammar…) you're free to tell me. Remember, English is not my native language so that's why I have mistakes!


	7. Chapter 7: Six Months Later

Chapter 7 Say All I Need

**A/N: **First of all, I'm so, so sorry for the delay! I have no excuse at all, but I promise that I'll update in less than a week. I'm also sorry this chapter is kind of short...

I also wanted to thank those who keep reviewing, reviews are always appreciated!

* * *

_**Chapter 7 Six Months Later**_

_Six months later_

Six months had passed since Derek's visit to New York. Ever since, Meredith and he haven't talked. The last think she knew about him was that he was no longer in New York. He had called her twice to ask her about the kids. But that was the day after he found out, and after that, he never gave sings of life again.

Eventually, their life got its normal routine. Every day, Meredith would leave the kids at Lauren's, or perhaps someone who had the day off would come to their house to look after the kids. Then, she would go to the hospital and she would spend there the day.

Same with Derek. He'd leave every day early in the morning to the hospital, and then he'd come back to his trailer in the middle of nowhere late in the night. He had no friends there, no family, no nothing. Sometimes, he wondered what attached him to Seattle. He didn't even like the weather. At least, it had ferryboats.

That morning, Meredith was at the hospital checking on some labs when someone called her name.

"Dr.Grey, you have a moment?" the man asked

"Sure, Dr.Miller." she answered, and then followed him to his office. "So...?"

"OK, I'm going directly to the point. You're great. You're the best Neuro-resident we have."

"Thank you, sir" she smiled, but somehow she intuited that wasn't all. "…but?"

"You've been absent a lot these last months. I'm afraid you're not going to be able to move on, and be a Neuro attending." He frowned.

"There's got to be a wa-"

"You didn't let me finish" he grinned. "Fortunately, we have a solution. You're going to be representing the hospital in the National Neuro Congress this year."

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed "Seriously? Like, I'm going to go there?"

"Yes you are. But that's not all. Dr.Blackwood and I have read your essay about the Alzheimer and its treatment, and we both thought it was brilliant. You'll be presenting your ideas to all the neuro-surgeons in the congress."

"Seriously!? But, sir, with all due respect, I'm only a resident!"

"I know, but you have demonstrated your skills everyday in the hospital and we all trust you. You're going to do great."

"Thank you sir, I...I don't know what to say! Thank you for trusting me, I guess..."

"You should be proud of yourself." he smiled. "Oh, before you leave...here" he said, handing her some papers

"What's this?" Meredith said, taking what Dr.Miller was handing her.

"The tickets for your flight. It'll be next Wednesday, and you can go with your children. The conference this year is going to be in Seattle, in a hos-"

"Seattle?" She repeated, suddenly jumping from her chair.

"Yes. Is there any problem with that?" he frowned.

"Not at all, sir" she lied, seating again.

"OK, so the conference this year.." his words could be heard in the office, but Meredith wasn't listening to them. She could just think of one think: what would the people think? She had left five years ago, without even leaving a note, hadn't called in those five years,...she didn't even know if her friends still lived there! She excused herself by saying she wasn't feeling good, and then left the office.

After her rounds were over, she got changed and headed home. It'd been a long day for her, two surgeries of six hours each, and the news of the conference in Seattle didn't really help to make it better. She drove all the way to her house, where Addison was taking care of the kids.

She opened the door turning the keys, and then smiled when she saw Patrick, snoring like never before, Emma, who looked like a little angel, and Ryan, Mark and Addison's four-year-old son. They had fallen asleep on the couch. Addison smiled when she saw her.

"I'm sorry, Addie. I had a talk with Miller." she apologized, walking to the couch to carefully tuck her children. Then, she sat on the couch.

"Nah, that's fine. With Miller? What did he want?" Addison asked, and then went to sit on the couch with her.

"He wants me to go to the National Neuro Congress this year, representing the hospital." she sighed

"But, Mer! That's great!" she smiled

"I know, I know. Both Dr.Blackwood and he had read my essay about the Alzheimer, and they want me to read it to the others Neuro surgeons."

"Oh my god, I'm so happy for you!" she exclaimed

"Yeah, me too..." Meredith sighed

"Then...what's the problem?"she asked

"Guess where the congress is?" she smiled sadly

"No way..."

"Yes way. Seattle. I'm gonna have to go there next week. I don't even know if he's there, but even if he wasn't, there's still Cristina, Izzie, George and everybody who must hate me, and I can't go if they're not going to talk to me because it's going to be really hard for me already and if they're not-" she rambled

"Mer, calm down...you're gonna have to face them eventually, you know." she said softly. "And I don't think they're mad at you...I think they're gonna be excited about you being back."

"I'm not so sure..." she took a deep breath, and then let a breath out. "But anyway, I already have the tickets. The twins are coming with me, too. And I'm also asking Lauren to come."

"That's great. You should be just fine, you'll see." she smiled.

"Yeah, I really hope so." she said, softly caressing her son's cheek. "In fact, I want to go. I miss them."

* * *

**A/N: **So, Meredith is going to Seattle with her kids and Derek's mother. Next chapter will be about how Mer is doing over there and how her friends react when they see her.

Hope you guys still like the story, because I'm kinda having a writer's blank and every time I try to write something I just can't. And, you know. Click that little purple button at the left corner and I'll really appreciate it. Reviews make me wanna write!!


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